This is my first holiday season without my husband Rob by my side. Some days are better than others. At times I take charge and other times I feel totally lost. But life keeps moving forward even on the days I don’t want to. I’m told this is natural and all a part of the process like finding closure.
People speak of closure as if it were a door to be shut, a chapter neatly finished but grief doesn’t respect such tidy conclusions.” Mary Ann Bryce
Grief can hang out all day in my one-sided conversations, and the empty rooms your presence used to fill, while at other times it sneaks up and takes me by surprise when a memory comes floating by. Now, more than ever, I am so grateful for the time we had together and the life we shared. All things considered, I am learning to navigate this new terrain in my life and find the peace in just being.
I read this beautiful poem this morning on the Spirit of a Hippie, and it said what I was feeling better than I could express.
Carrying Both Grief and Hope Together
Carrying both grief and hope together, at the same time,
is a quiet, complicated art,
like walking with two lanterns,
one dim and heavy with memory,
the other flickering
with a soft, fragile light.
They sway differently in your hands,
pulling you in opposite directions,
yet you hold them both
because letting go of either
would mean losing
a part of yourself.
Grief settles into the body
like a second pulse, steady, familiar,
a reminder of what was loved,
what was shared,
what has heartbreakingly slipped
beyond your reach.
Hope arrives softly,
a gentle breath,
a faint warmth in the chest,
a willingness to try again
even when your hands
are trembling.
To carry them together
is to know that love does not end
when a life does,
and each step forward
does not erase
where you have been.
Sorrow and possibility
sit side by side,
awkward companions learning
the rhythm of coexistence.
Some days grief speaks louder,
other days hope does.
Most days, they share
the same seat in your heart,
the tender ache of what was lost
and the gentle assurance
of what could yet unfold.
~ ‘Carrying Both Grief and Hope Together’ by Spirit of a Hippie
Mary Anne Byrne
~ Art by Marija Stefanović
